June 2, 2010

Update Time

Sorry for the absence. It's all been baby related. i am very proud to say that i am all most positive the pre-term labor has stopped :) sooo, i am back on track with a great pregnancy, and only 8 weeks left!

That brings me to this next point. i know i mentioned Master would be leaving for 8 months a week before my due date. Master has re-enlisted with the military. (He is prior service) So, he leaves a week before i am due, and we wont see Him for 8 months.

i am all sorts of emotional in regards to this. i am:

Excited for our family, and what this means for us.

Nervous for my abilities to be strong while He is gone.

Sad for not only us being separated for that long, but for the effect on the children.

Anxious to know whether or not Master will be here for the birth of our baby girl or not.

Intimidated by the new way of life that awaits us as a military family.

Blessed to be able to count on a solid job for the next 4 years in a terrible economy.

Stoked that i am back to being a stay at home mother... i am where i belong again :)

Heartbroken that i will be sleeping alone for 8 months.

Scared for what lies ahead for Master in regards to health and safety while He's gone.

in regards to the birth and all, well i feel that right now, whatever is meant to happen will happen. If Master is meant to be here for this birth, help catch our baby, and be here for those first few coo's and whimpers, then that is one amazing thing. However, i am mentally preparing myself to birth alone and send pictures (and a thousand tears) to Master in a package. This is actually why we found out what the baby's sex was, for the simple fact that if Master was gone, He could at least know what we were having... and He picked out the name, which is absolutely gorgeous!

i have a wonderful support system set up, and Master is beginning to feel secure in being gone for the postpartum period. Last time around, i suffered postpartum depression pretty bad, and obviously Him not being around to help made Him very nervous. Now, He is seeing that everyone will be looking out for me while He is gone. i will really owe it to my family, a wonderful midwife, a supportive doula, and many friends.

i have a huge respect for military families, and i know these years will be difficult, yet i understand the importance of them for our family. Master did great when He was active duty before, so i am completely confident He will do the same this time around :) i have all ready been planning little things to do for Master while He is gone. Care packages, projects around the house, little surprises that would mean a lot to Him when He gets back home etc. etc.

i am so blessed, and i am so determined to keep a positive attitude about all of this. There is just that scary dark side of wondering if the worst wont happen, and i wont have my soldier ever again. That's what chokes me up. For right now? i know things are ok, and there is nothing to worry about.

Master, i am so proud of You and the choices You are making for our family! i will be the best military slave/wife You have ever seen! i love You more than anything in the world <3

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