June 5, 2010

Cry Of My Heart

Look around and see Your wonderful life
It's all most perfect from the outside
In picture frames You see Your beautiful wife
Always smiling but on the inside
Cant You hear her saying

Lead me with Your strong hands
Stand up when i cant
Don't leave me hungry for love
Your chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me You're willing to fight
That i'm still the love of Your life
i know we call this our home
But i still feel alone

Master and i had a horrible day today. Master dropped the "d" word again; (divorce) and it completely shattered my heart to pieces. i don't know what to do or think anymore. Sometimes i firmly believe this whole d/s thing is some false illusion that does not really exist. At least not in our world... anymore.

i am so tired from all the fighting. Master is asleep in the bed right now, and i don't even know if i should go up there. Hell, i don't even know if He would even notice if i didn't come to bed at all tonight. He didn't say a word to me the whole drive home (over 2 hours) it was complete silence and me just left to doubt and question everything in my head because i don't know what the silence was supposed to mean. It was very cold, and i feel like i am falling into someplace dark and scary...yet i am trying to keep myself together for the baby's sake. Ughh.

i will post more tomorrow or something. Let me sort out all the emotions from today.

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