January 27, 2009

Inside men and women's souls

i have seen quite a few posts from slaves and dominants on blogs here, and on fetlife, and i figured i would finally post on this issue as my personal view is completely different than most. The discussion mostly comes down to this issue:

Are all women submissive, and are all men dominant. Also, along with this, should girls/daughter be raised to be submissive little housewives, and should boys/sons be raised as strong, dominant, manly men.

This might be just a little long, so please hang in there, but this is something i see as a huge problem.... all most an epidemic if you will. First, i should say that these views are my opinion, based on what i have seen as a young woman with many friends, an adolescent biopsychology backround thanks to college, a child care certification for preschoolers and elementary, a mother, and as a midwifery student.

i believe women and men were designed to compliment each other perfectly. i do not believe a man, or a woman, was made to be alone. If you look through the history of humans, women have usually, if not always, been the submissive gender (look at Victorian era....all based on rank and respect; even up through the 1950's which was the Leave it to Beaver family dolled up picture perfect submissive wife/mother.) i believe there are longings of both men and women, that are deep inside every man/woman's souls.

A man is obviously much less complicated than a woman (i don't think anyone would disagree with me there!) i believe every man wants to "battle a fight." Think about little boys; they love weapons! Whether it be light sabers, knives, guns, or pirate swords. Look at the movies men love to watch; Braveheart, Gladiator, Top Gun, Saving Private Ryan. i also believe men long for adventure. Think back to little boys; they love to climb, jump, and see how fast they can ride their bikes...backwards....and without hands! Adventure requires something of a man, its putting them to the test. Though some men can fear the test, at the same time they long to be tested so they can discover whether or not they have what it takes. Also, i believe every man longs for a "Beauty" to rescue. Where would Robinhood be without Marian, or King Arthur without Guinervere? So, when you put these pieces together, you see that a man doesn't want just a battle to fight, he needs someone to fight for. i believe, nothing inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves. Most of the daring (and sometimes borderline stupid) things younger men do are to impress the girls. Come on ladies, we all can name a few from our high schools, hell, probably even from college. What about the men who are fighting in Iraq? They are carrying pictures of their women, tucked into their uniforms while they are fighting. It's the perfect metaphor for this deep longing inside their souls.

Now, i am not saying that a woman is a helpless creature who can not live without a man. So, don't think that for a minute. Now.... bring on the women!

i believe inside every woman's heart, is a desire to be romanced. Women long to be the "beauty," abducted by bad guys, fought for and rescued by a hero/prince. Think of the movies you loved as a little girl; Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, The Last of the Mohicans, Sense and Sensibility, The Sound of Music, Little Women, a Little Princess, Sarah Plain and Tall. Little girls long for romance, to be seen and desired, to be fought for. Every little girl wants to be precious to someone- especially their Daddy. As a woman get older, the desire turns into a longing to be pursued,wanted as a woman. We want to be a priority. Also, i believe women want to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure. We want to be a part of something good that requires all of us, something dangerous and worth dying for. A woman is a warrior too, but in a more feminine way. (All you have to do is inslut a woman's children, man, or best friend and you will get a glimpse of it!) Most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play; they want to believe that there is something in them that is needed, and wanted desperately. Women were made to be a part of an adventure that is shared. I personally believe that a woman does not want the adventure for only adventure's sake, but for what it requires of her for others. The other main thing i believe is in the core of a woman, is we want a beauty to unveil. Let's face it, women want to be beautiful. They want to be breathtaking, captivating, and lovely. Why do you think little girls play dress up? They put on their mother's clothes and makup, shoes many sizes too big, and twirl in beautiful sparkly and shining skirts. It's inside a woman's soul from a young age to be beautiful have "sparkle" in her life. The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing. Compliment an elderly woman, and see a face light up, wrinkles and age spots disappearing, and beam with delight. It never goes a way. Sort of.

Now, based on this. i can actually answer the questions at hand. Women and men, were designed completely different, to compliment eachother. Cant you see how they go together so beautifully?A woman, in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to bloom and his pursuit draws out her beauty. A man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man, which draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero. This is how i believe it was meant to be.

Somewhere along the line, we have lost sight of how men and women were designed. Now, we have passive men, men afraid to stand up for anything. Now, we have "Dominant, strong, independent women" who somehow believe they are better then men. We have fathers (and mothers too!) who crush the spirits of their daughters by not being there, or not making them feel delighted in. We have mothers (and fathers too!) breaking the spirit of our young boys for their "violent" play. This causes wounds. Deep, hurtful, even shameful wounds. Wounds that scream, "I am not good enough!" "I am not delightful!" "I am no hero!" "I am not beautiful" it's damaging.

i believe, based on everything i have said this far, that men are natural born leaders, and women take the irreplaceable "supporting" role. This would mean that women are more naturally submissive, and the men are obviously, naturally dominant. The dynamic works that way. Let me provide a few examples.

i am Master's slave. Obviously, He is the one in charge, and i follow His lead. Should i feel that i am somehow less than He? No! Why? Because without me, He would not have a slave to be dominant over. He would not be able to be what he truly is. i play an irreplaceable role, and i know i am His beauty. i am completely vulnerable and open to bend to His will, and He is vulnerable and completely opened to me, as i am in a position where i could easily hurt Him. This dynamic works.

i am a mother of a boy, and a girl. When i get alone time with my daughter, what type of activities do we do? Well, we play dress up, we brush eachother's hair, paint our nails, sing songs like we are pop stars, we talk about beautiful things, we watch sappy love story Disney movies, we go shopping for beautiful clothes, and we delight in eachother. Now, my son is only 6 months old, but when i get some alone time with him when he's older am i going to sit there and brush his hair? No. We will go out and seek some kind of adventure. i delight in my daughter, i try hard to nurture her feminine soul, and with my son? Well, when he gets older, i hope i bring out the "hero" in him. i hope i am able to nurture a creative, heroic, adventuresome boy.

Another example is that in July, Master and i had a planned homebirth. We decided we would welcome our son into the world in a baby pool in our bedroom with close friends and family around us. This was a very intimate and emotional time. Master could not be the hero in this situation, i had to be the warrior. i knew Master was there for me, and He did all He could do to make sure labor and delivery was pleasant. i knew i was in an adventure, not for just myself, but for Him! For our family! And for a lifetime of happiness. It was so amazing to deliver our son, and hear Master praise what a lovely job i had done.

Also, there is a woman i looked up to. Strong, driven, beautiful, rich, and married with 3 children. Oh i wanted to be her so badly! She didn't need her husband, she didn't let anything stand in her way, and she was president of her company. It seemed like there was nothing this woman couldn't do. As i got to know her, and her family more, i saw the brokeness in that home. Her husband was the most passive man ever. He felt like he was merely there to support his wife, and sit at home, cleaning, cooking, and tending to the children. There was no adventure, there was no hero, his wife was that. Her children longed for her at home. They wanted her at home. They wanted to feel like they were important enough for her presence.

i am not saying be a weak, vain, woman. Nor am i saying be a tool of a man. i am saying it's perfectly okay to be strong, but not stronger than your man. Don't overshadow his leadership. i believe that in most cases, female Doms, and male submissives, simply have so much hurt and shame, that they hide behind these walls that put them in the opposite behavior. Think about a woman who was in love. Oh, she was romanced and taken care of. Swept off her feet. Then, the relationship ends for whatever reason. What happens next? She becomes a "strong, independent, woman" She doesn't need a man in her life, she can do it without him. It's a defense mechanism. The next time she meets someone, she's got walls in place to protect herself, she defames him and his spirit, and drags him down. It's damaging to both sides. Why not express the hurt, work through it, and next time, choose a little wiser to who you allow yourself to be vulnerable to.

So, in case you couldn't figure it out, i believe we need to nurture our daughters into the domestic, submissive girls. i believe we need to nurture our boys to be strong, loving, leaders. Let them know it's okay to seek adventure. It's okay to fight for the Beauty. i am not saying that every man and woman would end up in the BDSM world, but i am saying that naturally, men were meant to lead, (maybe not tie up their slave of a woman and flog her regularly) but simply, guide the family in the direction he believes is best. i will teach my daughter how to fold laundry, how to sew a hem, how to put a tie on her man, how to iron, cook, clean, etc etc. i would want my son to know how to mow a lawn, do minor house repairs, work on cars, etc etc. Sure, they can learn the other stuff, so if they ever have to do it, that's great.

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