January 21, 2009

Time for change?

No no no, don't think for a minute this is a blog about the new leadership changes in our country (trust me, you don't want to hear my opinion on this issue!) i am simply at a point in my life of growth and changes. i tend to go through these phases about once a year, and it always seems to be near my birthday (December!) This year was a huge birthday.... the big 21! yep. lol. Master says they are all downhill from here!! Come on Master, remember they say 40 is the new 30, so it's okay ;)

Anyways, a lot has been going on. Master changed jobs, we had a baby this past summer, it was a completely picture perfect pregnancy, labor, and delivery at home in our bedroom :) (yes it was planned!) we moved to a different state to be near my family for support with the kids as we finished up school, and now we find ourselves making wedding plans :) yep, you heard me right lol.

Through all of these changes i learned so much about myself. i learned i underestimate myself a lot, probably in fear that i don't set the bar too high and fail, or let others down. i learned how strong i could really be under some pretty crazy/scary/challenging circumstances. i learned i was a little too dependent on Master, and i learned that sometimes, i don't like the person i am. i learned that when things get hard, i would rather shut down and get defensive than dig deep and plow through,finding a way around a problem. i also learned what i really wanted in life, who i really wanted to be there with me, and that no matter how hard things got, my love for Master never changed or wavered. It's been a pretty humbling year. This brings me to now, time for more changes.

Master and i talked the other night, He explained that due to all the changes (especially the baby!!) He got a little lax, and i didn't nurture my slave nature too much. Instead, i focused on the kids, life, school, etc etc. Well, it's about time to make priorities priorities again. Time to do a little life shifting! Master explained He was going to crack down again, which honestly, might intimidate me just a little, but ultimately i know it's what i crave. Master and i have been talking about school a lot, there are going to be changes with that as well. Also, there are going to be changes to my body.... Master and i have talked about my next piercings, so that's exciting! Also, i'm not 100% satisfied with my body yet lol. Babies are a blessing, but definitely not to your body! So, i finally found a gym in our area that offers child care in it, so i will be off to work out throughout the week there. i am dieting, and honestly that has been pretty easy. i'm dying to be a killer sexy milf and look all hott and gorgeous for Master on our wedding day!! ;)

So Master, i am ready. i am ready for You to shape me. Turn me around in the direction You want, bend me to Your will, and break me if You have to.... i want our love to grow stronger, and i am more than ready to make more changes. i love You so much!

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