August 10, 2009

i don't know who i am without You

i should be proud of myself i guess... but for some reason, that's not what i am feeling. So, i know i've mentioned before about the alcohol issue. Well, last night i didn't drink at all. i laid in bed, struggling with sleep. Crying into my pillow, and holding my special stuffed animal Master got for me years ago. i regretted not buying a bottle for last night many times. i think i had to experience the pain raw and real for once. i had to be exposed to the true feelings inside myself. There was no more running from the pain. i had to deal with it.

i think i have been afraid of these feelings, and honestly i know i have reason to be. It's hard. It downright sucks. And it's unsure of what happens from here. i have decided to start working out and eating better to give me something positive to do and try to help keep my mood stabilized. i started this on Wednesday, and it's been going well so hopefully i stick to it, and look sexy when Master gets off the plane!

i think i am going to send a package to Master and our son. Any ideas what to send? i mean, He's with some family, but obviously i want to throw something sexy and adorable in there. Gotta tease the man so He cant wait to get His hands on me when He gets back ;)

Ah! i am coming back into myself all ready.... i love it! :)

1 comment:

  1. First visit to your post, but I'm following now, so I'll be back. I'm considering the sub lifestyle, so I would appreciate any tips/suggestions/etc. you can offer.